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I Was a Zombie for the F.B.I.	April 5th, 2007
Director: Marius Penczner Runtime: 105 min Country: USA Language: English Color: Black and White Sound Mix: Mono Certification: UK: 12 Buy it now on amazon.com! If I’ve learned anything from movies, it’s this: aliens are dicks! In first contact situations we should shoot aliens in the face double-time quick-like! Sure, you’re bound to frag an E.T. or two, but can we risk meeting up with something like a face hugger? I’m willing to off Kazoo, Alf, and Mork, to insure that my chest remains intact. Xenophobic? Probably, but Hollywood has assured me that you are far more likely to encounter a bunch of conniving, monument blowing-up, people hunting, jerks. Alien pricks… is there any better plot fodder to use in a b-movie? I think not. Neither does Marius Penczner. Without any further adieu, let’s get to the nitty-gritty guts of “I Was a Zombie for the F.B.I.” Continue » Posted by Dante in Breviews, Sci-Fi \| 1 Comment
Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe	March 26th, 2007
Directed by: Matthew Hastings Writing credits: Matthew Hastings Release Date: 30 July 2005 (USA) more Also Known As: Bloodsuckers (Original Sci-Fi Channel Title) MPAA: Rated R for grisly violence and gore. Runtime: 99 min Country: Canada Language: English Color: Color Certification: Philippines:PG-13 (Avid Phil) / Germany:18 (DVD) / Australia:MA / USA:R Don’t buy it now at amazon.com After four absolute-DUD reviews in a row (The Roost, Cult, Serum & Doomed) I had my fingers crossed that Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe would be a step in the right direction. Hell, it seemed that ANYTHING would be better than all of those atrocities combined…But I was let down once again. Ultra-big-time-SSSSIIIIGGHH. In a bleak 2210, humans have spread themselves throughout Continue » Posted by corporatedemon in Breviews, Horror, Sci-Fi, Action, Drama \| 3 Comments
Octopus	March 20th, 2007
Director: John Eyres Country: USA Language: English Run Time: 100 minutes Color: Color Certification: UK:15 / USA:PG-13 Filmed in: Sofia, Bulgaria Buy it now on amazon.com! I’ll get right down to the essentials on this slightly off-classic, giant monster movie. You’ll have to wait at least 50 minutes before you can safely and resoundingly begin to snicker and giggle. Before you hit that mark, there is little to roll your eyes about beyond the horrendously produced musical tracks. I have never heard a score that took me out of the moment (as monster-movie-mundane as it may be) like the background tunes of Octopus However, the laughs continuously multiply and intensify tenfold over the following thirty minutes. The movie ends on such an hilarious high-note that I nearly threw my back out while bursting with laughter. Octopus fails to provide an enormous amount of misses, but when the misses do occur, Continue » Posted by darfnader in Breviews, Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller \| 3 Comments
Doomed	March 12th, 2007
Director:Michael Su Runtime:76 mins Screen Format: 4 X 3 MPAA Rating: N/A Parental Warning: Strong Language, Graphic Violence/Gore Country: USA Sadly, you can actually buy this at Amazon.com Nearly every time I sit down to write a new breview I get rather self–conscious and honestly a little nervous. I worry about my grammar, spelling, intro, body and conclusion. I worry about what I should focus on, what I should leave out, and what I want the end reader to “take home” with them after investing the time to read my literary effort… But not this time. This time I’m not worried about a single thing. I am confident in knowing that I can casually spew out ANYTHING and it will have a superior thought process than Doomed. Here’s the script: Drop 10 criminals on an island. Divide them into 5 teams. Continue » Posted by corporatedemon in Breviews, Horror, Action, Boringest Brains \| 1 Comment
War of the Worlds: The War to End All Wars	March 5th, 2007
Directed by: Timothy Hines Also Known As: Classic War of the Worlds Runtime: 179!!! Country: USA Language: English Color: Color Certification: USA: R Buy it now on amazon.com! What can I say about Timothy Hines’ take on the H. G. Wells classic? It B’s all it can B. This retelling premiered alongside 2 other War of the Worlds releases, neither of which seem to live up to the original 1953 adaptation. Both of the low budget takes share a 2.9 (at this time) on the internet movie database, and the gluttonously budgeted, holocaustly overtoned Spielberg production leveled off at a 6.7. The original has withstood the test of time and remains at a glowing 7.2. Although these numbers aren’t a definitive view of whether or not a film is well made, they do, from time to time, help me sleep better at night with the hopes that entertainment might not Continue » Posted by darfnader in Breviews, Sci-Fi, Action, Boringest Brains \| 1 Comment
The Woods	February 26th, 2007
Director: Lucky McKee Runtime: 91 min Country: USA Language: English Color: Color Certification: USA: R Buy it now on amazon.com! The year is 1965, and somewhere in New England Heather Fasulo (Agnes Bruckner) has just set fire to a tree. And why the hell not? Those cocky piles of chimney fuel just stand around thinking they’re better then everyone. It seems sensible that we should torch flora occasionally as a reminder that they’re nothing more than CO2 scrubbers for my H3, damn it. Apparently, Heather’s parents feel otherwise. Deciding that she’s a troubled teen, they do what any loving and caring parents would when faced with a problem child: they drive into the woods and pawn her off. Her painfully silent father (Bruce Campbell), and his harpy of a wife, abandon Heather at the ill-maintained Falburn Academy. The eerily austere faculty immediately take an unsettling interest in the girl, almost completely ignoring her parents. Continue » Posted by Dante in Breviews, Horror, Mystery \| 1 Comment