Buy it at Raw Dog Screaming Press

Back in 2008 Raw Dog Screaming Press published a collection of short stories called “Lowlife Underdogs” by writer/martial artist/all around badass Dustin LaValley. One of the stories in that collection is “Party Girl.” The story is a creatively written, stark, disturbing work of art that reads like a hybrid between an actual police report and lyrics by Cannibal Corpse. It’s creatively gritty, grim and ripe with all sorts of potential to be adapted to a short film. Apparently director Jayson Densman saw the same potential, and thus gave birth to his own mangled version of “Party Girl.”

Quite simply, the film just does not do the story justice. I wanted to like this. I really did. In fact I got all giddy with excitement when Mr. LaValley sent me the copy for review, as I’ve read his work before and I dig his style. So it’s hard for me to be negative. But honestly, after watching “Party Girl” five times now I just can’t help but be disappointed and…irritated.

This film is riddled with all sorts of problems. First, there is the excessive use of fake slow motion, which is absolutely one of my biggest pet peeves in film-making. Frame-rate dropping is absolutely everywhere. The running time of “Party Girl” is about 16 minutes but it feels like 2 hours. Then, there is the soundtrack that bounces around from nu-metal to ambient to classical without any rhyme or reason. The gore effects are cheesy and badly hidden behind blurry post effects and more…slow motion. Where the film should be disturbing it is laughable. Where it should be intense with action it crawls at a snails pace.

But worst of all is how the story was adapted. If it were not for the direct-from-story narration there would not be any indication whatsoever that this is based on LaValley’s story. The DVD cover reads “Dustin LaValley’s Party Girl” but that’s just false advertising. It should read “Jayson Densman’s First Slasher Movie.” What we have here is a case of a filmmaker taking a story and running loose with reckless abandon.

In the end, I’d recommend everyone go give “Party Girl” a read over at The Dream People and skip the film entirely. And believe me, it pains me to say that. I hope Jayson Densman and crew take this review constructively. And I pray to the horror Gods that we will some day see a worthy screen adaptation of some of LaValley’s work.

UMM…
MAYBE…
I DUNNO…

www.fatalpictures.com

In a flooded market of direct to dvd horror, CG blood and mainstream zombie mania it is becoming harder by the minute to find a film of genuine quality. Luckily, a needle fell out of a haystack right in front of me. Shining white and glowing like an angel. Or more appropriately, black and festering like a case of Ebola.

“Worm” is a short film from fledgling film house Fatal Pictures. However, this isn’t another YouTube quality attempt to be “edgy” by some drunken college kids with a camera phone. No, once the opening shot of “Worm” graces the screen any worries of poor production quality are quickly diminished, and things never go downhill.

“Worm” is an incredibly dark, sadistic and competent psychological thriller that dives deep into the psyche of high school teacher Geoffrey Dodd. The film is carried almost entirely by Dodd’s internal monologue, carefully acted by Robert Nolan. Nolan’s acting and voice work maintains a perfect level of insanity that never topples into absurdity. And this brings me to the thing I appreciate most about “Worm” that most new horror movies lack: SUBTLETY. There is no gore, barely any blood except for a single scene, no nudity and no trendy music from the MySpace band of the week. “Worm” is a class act.

At this point I could go deeper into explaining the plot, but considering how short the film is I will simply just say this: In a mere twenty minutes, “Worm” achieves a level of uncertainty that surpasses what most psychological thrillers barely pull off in two hours. Any parents out there will probably consider home schooling while watching this. Horror fans – “Worm” and Fatal Pictures deserve your attention!

SUBTLETY: Hard to come by these days.
ACTING: Impressive.
PRODUCTION: Top notch.

Buy it and burn it.

Good lord…

So Maverick Entertainment has sent me a couple flops already. First there was Cult, then Doomed and The Toybox. I fully understand that everyone makes mistakes, even distributing companies, so I decided to keep giving them a chance. But that chance is over and I’m vowing to never watch another movie from Maverick. I don’t mean to be a hater, but there’s only so much a man can take. And this man has reached his limit with Bad Reputation and Death Knows Your Name. Oh, where to begin…

Bad Reputation is about a nice young gal named Michelle who unfortunately gets some severely harsh treatment from the cool kids at school. They rape her, beat her up, and break her down. Then she gets pissed off and starts killing all the football playing douche bags and their girlfriends one by one. It’s original, really.

My favorite part of the entire movie is when the credits start rolling at the most random, least conclusive part of the whole story.

Some how, some way, Bad Reputation has taken the cake at quite a few horror themed film festivals around the world. I’m just glad I wasn’t at any of them, because if this was the BEST I would have wanted to blow my pink and purple brains out.

AVOID.

ZIP.
ZERO.
ZILCH.

Buy it now at Amazon.com!

I’ve been interested in the occult since my freshman year of high school. I find the entire mentality to be both incredibly fascinating and truly frightening. Therefore, it seems that occult themed horror flicks would be right up my alley, eh? Unfortunately, this is not the case. Every movie on the subject I’ve seen has turned out to be abrasively average, and sadly Joe Knee’s “Cult” is no different.

A group of pretty-faced college kids convince their professor to let them research a mysterious, now-defunct cult for one of their classes. They discover that the origin of the cult’s extreme power came from an ancient Chinese amulet, which the geek in me is going to lovingly refer to as the +5 Jade Amulet of Sacrifice.

A young woman named Kwan Yin once wore the amulet until she was murdered by her father for becoming illegitimately pregnant. While she was dying she supposedly conducted a prayer of some sort that enchanted the amulet with its evilness. The amulet eventually winds up in the hands of the students, and suddenly people begin committing “suicide” left and right.

As an attempt to add a sub-plot, Mindy, played by the incredibly attractive and talented Rachel Miner (‘Bully’ & ‘The Black Dahlia’) back stabs her fellow group members into continuing the research despite the increasing body count, leading to all sorts of drama. However, this becomes more of an annoyance than anything else. While the acting is definitely above average, I actually had to tell myself that I wasn’t watching a clip from an old episode of Beverly Hills: 90210.

If you’re hoping for sweet death scenes or gore, you’re not going to get it here. Everyone in the movie dies nearly the exact same way. Sure, this is part of the whole aura of what cults are all about, but this is a mystery film…please give us some mystery! Also, “Cult” suffers from the eye-rolling, cliché, MTV style editing that darfnader and I both despise. There can’t be a single drop of blood on the screen without the camera going into a shaky, intense handheld shot with lots of “WOOOSSHH!” sound effects spliced in with the fast cutting. Maybe I’m a traditionalist, but I feel like simplicity has been lost, minus a few select films here and there (Dementia for example). It’s a shame that even second rate horror movies such as this have to be hip and flashy nowadays.

Structurally, “Cult” progressively goes downhill unlike any film I’ve ever seen. Here is a little chart I whipped up to demonstrate:

As you can see, the movie actually starts off very strong, with a great attention grabber, some nice exposition, a few foxy girls in robes and an EXCELLENT score by Thanh Tran. But with every passing scene the movie becomes more and more forgettable. Imagine the feeling of purchasing a nicely ripe banana, just waiting for you to eat…but it’s summer time in a post global-warming society and by the time you’re to the last bite it’s already rotten and slimy. That, in a nutshell, is “Cult.”

Despite its shortcomings, the movie did give me several decent laughs which will elevate it to midrange review level. I’ll leave you with a few quotes that made my night:

“Fuck this Scooby Doo BULLSHIT!” -Alex
“……….Fuckin’ Tweaker.” - Random Dude in reference to Mindy
“Get your fuckin’ ass up and take me to the holy books.” -Bailey

Thank you, good night, and “don’t drink the Kool-Aid” (ba-dum-chissshh).

LAUGHS: See the quotes above!
CAST: Good acting…too bad the movie is poor.
SCORE: Thanh Tran did a great job!

Buy it now through (5)aint Productions!

Dementia is, quite simply, about a man who is coming unglued. The circumstances with which he loses himself are made apparent through the course of the movie but obviously involve his wife and daughter, who are featured in the teaser. We see early on that Danny, who is afflicted with the titular state of mind, has a hideous scar over his heart. A poignant link to the past, it’s most likely a constant reminder of the tragedy that occurred to (or within) his family.

Dementia has the ingredients necessary to capture any independent film audience: a lead character who has sympathetic convictions, a background filled with mystery, and a raw, unhindered belief that propels his actions. He’s not a mindless, angry slasher. Our lead is torn between his past life’s sociopolitical standards, and his newly formed rationale. A vigilante at heart, his initial intentions soon become warped and twisted. Bent on rescuing the failing society that surrounds him by dealing out punishment where he sees fit, his delusions quickly shift gears and he begins taking out his own personal frustrations on various innocent passersby in the most maniacal of manners. The film is truly unpredictable, and therefore it manages to be enticing.

To dismantle the physical appearance of the flick, it truly is budget-less. The quality is always consistent, but the cinematography is uninspired and the audio barely meets even average B standards. The editing is full of quick cuts, lingering moments, strange dissolves that continually left me scratching my head (but not in a “woah.. that was sweet, but what was it?”-kind of way. More like a “uhh…that… um… uhh….”-kind of way). Dementia contains the sets, acting, and blocking that are equivalent to your average porno. However, you really can’t laugh at any of the performances (which we love doing here at bisforbrains), and maybe that’s a compliment to the writing and direction. I can guarantee, though, that if these actors were spouting out mindless verbalizations about being vaporized by aliens or puppet creatures that drill holes into their brains, we would have been cracking up continually.

I must commend the director, Jon Price, who managed to stay acceptably far away from ‘cool’, ‘music video’ film making. Aside from a few quick uses of blurry digital effects filters to enhance Danny’s vacations from reality, there are almost no instances where the film tries to be overly flashy and/or hip, which, in this day and age, is extremely easy to abuse.

I thought the movie was very entertaining, and I fully appreciate what Jon Price has done with a complete lack of budget in creating a mysterious and intriguing character through decent dialogue and competent direction. There are even a few comedic touches to keep you laughing, such as the line “I don’t know if you knew this, but… people thinkin’ you’re psycho’s not the best thing when you’re tryin’ to get a new job.”

I can’t wait to see what this guy can do with a little dough, as well as a reputable cinematographer and editor. Price is certainly in-tune with what’s necessary to keep an audience glued to the screen.

THE 4th WALL: Crashes down, Kool-Aid Man style.
LENGTH: Any more, and the fun would have ceased.
GORE: Short, but oh so unnervingly sweet.

Buy ANYTHING Instead!

“An unheralded horror gem…Displays a raw talent reminscent of early George Romero and Sam Raimi.” -Fangoria

“One of the best, if not THE best horror flicks of the year.” -Bloody-Disgusting.com

“A creepy, old-fashioned 80’s sleep-over movie, with the perfect blend of blood, screams and scares.” -Eli Roth, Director of Cabin Fever

“B is for BORRRR-IIIIINNNGG.” -bisforbrains.com

Now that I have my initial childish remark out of the way, let’s get serious.

“The Roost” involves a group of uninteresting twenty-somethings (surprise surprise) on their way to a wedding. They wreck their SUV (surprise surprise) and seek help at a creepy house in the middle of nowhere (surprise surprise). The house has a barn out back full of bats, and after 43 painfully drawn-out minutes we find out the bats somehow turn people into zombies. WHY? Because zombies are hip right now, haven’t you noticed???

Now I could have easily forgiven the extremely typical scenario, the awful acting and the complete lack of thought process by every character if this movie would have at simply ENTERTAINED me. That’s right. To put it bluntly, “The Roost” is not entertaining. Here’s why:

1. Zero character development. Who are these people? If you aren’t going to bother intriguing us with the damn people on screen then at least kill them off in unique and fun ways!!! That leads us to…

2. Forgettable and relentlessly boring zombies, gore and death scenes. SPOILER WARNING: There is only ONE creative death in the whole mess, involving a stuntman running full speed out of the upper level of the barn and biffing it hardcore on the concrete. OUCH! Way to take one for the team buddy! END SPOILER. It’s too bad the rest of the movie isn’t worth while, because of the…

3. S…..L………O……………….W pacing and piss-poor-payoff. “The Roost” drags on and on as if everything that is happening on screen is the most important fucking thing you will ever see. To make matters worse, the only time there is any background music is when the bats are chasing people. I’m sure they attempted this to give the film more of a “realistic” or “gritty” effect, but instead it just made it an absolute chore for me to keep watching. However, the movie does break things up a little bit, bringing us to…

4. Blatant and unrelated attempts to spice things up. There are a few genuinely sweet black and white segments with a TV host talking to the viewer and actually giving them something to get excited about! Now why am I listing this as a reason this movie is not entertaining? Because these tiny little parts are actually BETTER than the movie itself!!! They end up being nothing but a tease. If they would have just kept this idea and ditched everything else I would be a much, much happier camper right now. But alas…

5. It kills itself with its own sparse sense of humor. Now don’t get me wrong, I love humor in my horror movies. Read some of my other reviews if you have any doubts of that. But “The Roost” wanders aimlessly through being a tongue-in-cheek campy good time and a serious, gory exploitation film. Problem is, it’s not gory enough to give the gross-out fans anything to gawk about and it’s not cheesy enough to give a continuous flow of laughs.

There you have it. Five (5) solid reasons why this movie isn’t worth your time. The only reason I’m not putting this in the bottom of the bisforbrains.com gutter is because I liked the intro. Consider this B-ball DROPPED.

BARN-BIFF: Yikes, that smarts!
HORROR-HOST: Cut out the film and just put these together please.
?????: I honestly can’t think of anything else.

Buy it NOW on amazon.com!

What a joy! Automatons could have easily become a refurbished parody or homage to numerous classic films and television shows from over half a century ago, but instead, it stands stably on its own two metallic, shimmying, corrugated legs.

The setup, which is told to us in a most discerning way through recorded videos being played back by The Girl, our resident robot repairer, is that the timeframe in which this story takes place, on either this planet or an entirely fictional one, only two remaining ’super-powers’ exist in the world. Each of the remaining factions has it’s own supply of monstorous mechanical soldiers, and neither appears to be giving in any time soon.

Our heroin goes on about her most dubious way and repairs the robots battle after glorious, explosive battle. The exposition taking place constantly as a voice-over by video playback unravels the history of this world. B-veteran Angus Scrimm provides that voice, and manages to keep the movie rolling along briskly with his delivery as an arrogant, fascist scientist bent on stomping out insurgents, terrorists, and eventually, just plain ‘foreigners’. Where have I seen this before….

Getting Serious: Because of the moderate production, it carries with it something dearly missing at the theaters these days; simplicity. You may receive vivid nuances of the brilliance of Alien and Blade Runner while watching Automatons, and, much like those two quintessential sci-fi flicks, pacing plays a terrific role in this film. Its slow, deliberate shots cause the viewer to become immersed in the scene. A lingering image of a lone robot wandering on an open plain, for instance, causes us to shed the comedic value of the realization that we are viewing simple robot puppets. Most of the other scenes involving miniatures and technical readouts achieve realism in a similar fashion; by extending the length of the shot and therefore forcing the audience to pay closer attention to the situation, which creates tension instead of laughter. Also, the wonderfully realistic and timeless sound effects are very effective in convincing us that we are seeing something other than tiny tin toys and fireworks. A mild hum of electronic warmth can easily transport the audience to the home of our heroin, a robot chop-shop.

Lighten Up: This is the way true B-movies should be made, even today. All sense of sleek computer effects have been stricken from vision. The familiar jump and flicker of the frame are delightful to see. This movie contains everything that the “new and improved” George Lucas is missing. It has charm, and it has character. Also, Automatons has guts!!! Just when you thought the anti-war, anti-imperialistic message might end with a whimper, it ends with a BANG. Not to take away from the allegorical importance of the flick, but this show has some incredible, shocking gore. Gore-a-philes out there requiring your daily dose of venting vitals will delight in the multiple robo rampages.

After it’s all said and done, Automatons leaves you extremely satisfied. Nothing is lacking in this unique vision of the future. It delivers an interesting story and intriguing characters, simple as that. Budget hardly enters into it. (unless you giggle when 3-inch robots get blasted in the face with sparklers and melted with roman candles)

Thanks to deathtotheautomatons.com for providing bisforbrains with a screening copy of Automatons. Also, pop over to check out the trailer. No, NOW!

POLITICAL MESSAGE: Different year, same problems.
VIOLENCE: You’ll never look at power tools the same way.
NOAH DeFILIPPIS: Just broke the all-time end credit record.

Buy it now at Amazon.com!

I feel like I need to take a shower.

In 1990, the year of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie, The Hubble Space Telescope, The Spin Doctors and Public Enemy’s legendary “Fear of a Black Planet,” a horri-B-ly appealing piece of cinema was released. Its title: Baby Blood.

The story of this French film follows a voluptuous young woman named Yanka. She begins as a lowly performer in some off-key circus, taking all kinds of verbal and physical abuse from her manager. Out of the blue, one of the leopards is found liquidated in its cage. While Yanka is sleeping, a slimy worm-like creature slips its way into her unsuspecting womb. From then on out, the movie basically follows Yanka from point A to to point B, then to point C, D, E F and G for nine months as the new life inside her continues to grow. But this aint yo ordinary fetus…This baby has a direct line to Yanka’s brain, and he speaks more eloquently than 95% of America’s internet-generation high school graduates!

To make things even more interesting, Yanka’s unborn child needs a constant supply of human blood to sustain its development. Hence the spectacular title! Naturally, she’s a little hesitant to go around on a mass murdering rampage, so the voice from within constantly has to sweet talk her into slaughtering her victims. She gradually becomes more and more comfortable committing the ultimate sin, and blood begins to fly by the bucket-load!

Yes, despite its peculiarity, the plot line is very straight forward. However, that is also one of the things that makes this flick so great. Every event propels the movie forward, and I was constantly left wondering what would happen next. Unlike most gore films, all of the insane violence in Baby Blood actually drives the story along! There isn’t a single death that just happens for its own sake. Even better, almost all of the characters that die are males who are chauvinist pigs, unbearably annoying or all around total assholes. So for all you hardcore feminists out there, this is the movie for you!

The creativity in which the kill scenes are portrayed is truly marvelous. After one viewing, there are at least five scenes in this movie that are permanently ingrained in my twisted little head. And that, my friend, is really saying something! There are several parts of the movie that are shot from a harrowing first person perspective, and every death scene is wonderfully unique. SPOILER WARNING: At one point, when Yanka is stabbing someone with a pair of scissors, the camera LUNGES back and forth at his stomach as if the camera is actually mounted on her makeshift weapon! Another scene that has achieved legendary status in my mind is an unsettling, slow moving Lynch-esque shot that moves into Yanka’s mouth, traveling through her body in a super-surreal visual feast. END SPOILERS.

Unfortunately, this movie severely suffers from what darfnader and I like to call “Fortress Syndrome.” So what in the hell do I mean by that? Basically, this movie is absolutely top-notch entertainment all the way through, and then out of NOWHERE it turns to total shit in the last minute. Darfnader and I were literally on the edge of our seats for the first 81 minutes. We were gasping in wide-eyed shock, laughing maniacally and cringing in delight…and then the last two shots came in and shattered all our hopes and dreams. It is truly disappointing, and I can’t help but wonder how they could let such a bad thing happen to such a great movie…

However, Baby Blood’s strong points FAR out weigh its weaknesses. This is one fucked up freakishly fantastic French fetus-flick that had me flipping head over heals!

DREAM SEQUENCE: One of the craziest you’ll ever see!
POV SHOTS: Even on a tiny TV you’re going to feel sick!
BLOOD!!!: It’s gritty, over the top and repulsive…WOOHOO!