Buy it at Raw Dog Screaming Press

Back in 2008 Raw Dog Screaming Press published a collection of short stories called “Lowlife Underdogs” by writer/martial artist/all around badass Dustin LaValley. One of the stories in that collection is “Party Girl.” The story is a creatively written, stark, disturbing work of art that reads like a hybrid between an actual police report and lyrics by Cannibal Corpse. It’s creatively gritty, grim and ripe with all sorts of potential to be adapted to a short film. Apparently director Jayson Densman saw the same potential, and thus gave birth to his own mangled version of “Party Girl.”

Quite simply, the film just does not do the story justice. I wanted to like this. I really did. In fact I got all giddy with excitement when Mr. LaValley sent me the copy for review, as I’ve read his work before and I dig his style. So it’s hard for me to be negative. But honestly, after watching “Party Girl” five times now I just can’t help but be disappointed and…irritated.

This film is riddled with all sorts of problems. First, there is the excessive use of fake slow motion, which is absolutely one of my biggest pet peeves in film-making. Frame-rate dropping is absolutely everywhere. The running time of “Party Girl” is about 16 minutes but it feels like 2 hours. Then, there is the soundtrack that bounces around from nu-metal to ambient to classical without any rhyme or reason. The gore effects are cheesy and badly hidden behind blurry post effects and more…slow motion. Where the film should be disturbing it is laughable. Where it should be intense with action it crawls at a snails pace.

But worst of all is how the story was adapted. If it were not for the direct-from-story narration there would not be any indication whatsoever that this is based on LaValley’s story. The DVD cover reads “Dustin LaValley’s Party Girl” but that’s just false advertising. It should read “Jayson Densman’s First Slasher Movie.” What we have here is a case of a filmmaker taking a story and running loose with reckless abandon.

In the end, I’d recommend everyone go give “Party Girl” a read over at The Dream People and skip the film entirely. And believe me, it pains me to say that. I hope Jayson Densman and crew take this review constructively. And I pray to the horror Gods that we will some day see a worthy screen adaptation of some of LaValley’s work.

UMM…
MAYBE…
I DUNNO…

Buy it now at Amazon.com!

Some movies make us laugh, some make us cry, and some simmer our brains in a skillet full of savory sensation. Frankensteins Bloody Nightmare achieves the latter, and it was one imaginative dining experience.

At this point in my reviews I typically like to give my own little rundown of the movie at hand. Discuss premise, plot, characters, actors and so on. With Frankensteins Bloody Nightmare I’m going to have to skip this part completely, because I honestly have no idea what is happening.

What I will write about instead is the overall feeling that FBN captures so well. The movie was shot primarily on vintage Super 8 with all voices and sound effects dubbed over in post production. The film is grainy, over-saturated and beat to a bloody pulp in its confining 1.33 aspect ratio. Various colored gels are used in certain scenes to intensify colors. The camera movements are mostly slow, carefully crafted pans that rarely reveal much of anything. There are frequent, extreme close-ups of unrecognizable and poorly lit objects. Key bits of dialog are garbled and mixed at a nearly indistinguishable volume. Practical, jaw dropping visual effects I still can’t quite figure out add even more confusion. All the while the visuals are enhanced with a chilling, even nerve-wracking original score from director John R. Hand performing under the name of The Greys.

Each of these elements are crudely stitched together at the hands of a definite madman. That said, Frankensteins Bloody Nightmare is not about a monster. It is a monster.

This is what makes FBN so incredibly unique…and most definitely not for everyone. This is a horror film for fans of bizarro, the surreal and the intangible. If you’re into this often-neglected-niche, watch FBN as soon as possible. If all you want is blood, guts and sex (which can be fun, don’t get me wrong) don’t even bother.

All I really have to complain about is that sometimes the sound is annoyingly bad. During some scenes I had to max out my volume to even begin to hear anything…and then out of nowhere BAM my speakers would nearly be blown out from a sudden jump in the audio. If this issue were resolved, and if the opening and end credits were handled a little more skillfully (ie, no cheesy drop shadows and modern typefaces), I would give this little flick a perfect score.

Frankensteins Bloody Nightmare is a visual and aural acid trip that is more an experience than mere entertainment. JRH Films: I’ve got my eye on you.

VISUALS: You won’t want to look away.
SOUNDTRACK: Absolutely perfect.
VIBE: Makes quite the impression!

Buy it now at Amazon.com!

I feel like I need to take a shower.

In 1990, the year of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie, The Hubble Space Telescope, The Spin Doctors and Public Enemy’s legendary “Fear of a Black Planet,” a horri-B-ly appealing piece of cinema was released. Its title: Baby Blood.

The story of this French film follows a voluptuous young woman named Yanka. She begins as a lowly performer in some off-key circus, taking all kinds of verbal and physical abuse from her manager. Out of the blue, one of the leopards is found liquidated in its cage. While Yanka is sleeping, a slimy worm-like creature slips its way into her unsuspecting womb. From then on out, the movie basically follows Yanka from point A to to point B, then to point C, D, E F and G for nine months as the new life inside her continues to grow. But this aint yo ordinary fetus…This baby has a direct line to Yanka’s brain, and he speaks more eloquently than 95% of America’s internet-generation high school graduates!

To make things even more interesting, Yanka’s unborn child needs a constant supply of human blood to sustain its development. Hence the spectacular title! Naturally, she’s a little hesitant to go around on a mass murdering rampage, so the voice from within constantly has to sweet talk her into slaughtering her victims. She gradually becomes more and more comfortable committing the ultimate sin, and blood begins to fly by the bucket-load!

Yes, despite its peculiarity, the plot line is very straight forward. However, that is also one of the things that makes this flick so great. Every event propels the movie forward, and I was constantly left wondering what would happen next. Unlike most gore films, all of the insane violence in Baby Blood actually drives the story along! There isn’t a single death that just happens for its own sake. Even better, almost all of the characters that die are males who are chauvinist pigs, unbearably annoying or all around total assholes. So for all you hardcore feminists out there, this is the movie for you!

The creativity in which the kill scenes are portrayed is truly marvelous. After one viewing, there are at least five scenes in this movie that are permanently ingrained in my twisted little head. And that, my friend, is really saying something! There are several parts of the movie that are shot from a harrowing first person perspective, and every death scene is wonderfully unique. SPOILER WARNING: At one point, when Yanka is stabbing someone with a pair of scissors, the camera LUNGES back and forth at his stomach as if the camera is actually mounted on her makeshift weapon! Another scene that has achieved legendary status in my mind is an unsettling, slow moving Lynch-esque shot that moves into Yanka’s mouth, traveling through her body in a super-surreal visual feast. END SPOILERS.

Unfortunately, this movie severely suffers from what darfnader and I like to call “Fortress Syndrome.” So what in the hell do I mean by that? Basically, this movie is absolutely top-notch entertainment all the way through, and then out of NOWHERE it turns to total shit in the last minute. Darfnader and I were literally on the edge of our seats for the first 81 minutes. We were gasping in wide-eyed shock, laughing maniacally and cringing in delight…and then the last two shots came in and shattered all our hopes and dreams. It is truly disappointing, and I can’t help but wonder how they could let such a bad thing happen to such a great movie…

However, Baby Blood’s strong points FAR out weigh its weaknesses. This is one fucked up freakishly fantastic French fetus-flick that had me flipping head over heals!

DREAM SEQUENCE: One of the craziest you’ll ever see!
POV SHOTS: Even on a tiny TV you’re going to feel sick!
BLOOD!!!: It’s gritty, over the top and repulsive…WOOHOO!