 
Directed by: Matthew Hastings
Writing credits: Matthew Hastings
Release Date: 30 July 2005 (USA) more
Also Known As: Bloodsuckers (Original Sci-Fi Channel Title)
MPAA: Rated R for grisly violence and gore.
Runtime: 99 min
Country: Canada
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: Philippines:PG-13 (Avid Phil) / Germany:18 (DVD) / Australia:MA / USA:R
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After four absolute-DUD reviews in a row (The Roost, Cult, Serum & Doomed) I had my fingers crossed that Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe would be a step in the right direction. Hell, it seemed that ANYTHING would be better than all of those atrocities combined…But I was let down once again. Ultra-big-time-SSSSIIIIGGHH.
In a bleak 2210, humans have spread themselves throughout Continue »
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Director: John Eyres
Country: USA
Language: English
Run Time: 100 minutes
Color: Color
Certification: UK:15 / USA:PG-13
Filmed in: Sofia, Bulgaria
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I’ll get right down to the essentials on this slightly off-classic, giant monster movie. You’ll have to wait at least 50 minutes before you can safely and resoundingly begin to snicker and giggle. Before you hit that mark, there is little to roll your eyes about beyond the horrendously produced musical tracks. I have never heard a score that took me out of the moment (as monster-movie-mundane as it may be) like the background tunes of Octopus However, the laughs continuously multiply and intensify tenfold over the following thirty minutes. The movie ends on such an hilarious high-note that I nearly threw my back out while bursting with laughter. Octopus fails to provide an enormous amount of misses, but when the misses do occur, Continue »
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Directed by: Timothy Hines
Also Known As: Classic War of the Worlds
Runtime: 179!!!
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: USA: R
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What can I say about Timothy Hines’ take on the H. G. Wells classic? It B’s all it can B.
This retelling premiered alongside 2 other War of the Worlds releases, neither of which seem to live up to the original 1953 adaptation. Both of the low budget takes share a 2.9 (at this time) on the internet movie database, and the gluttonously budgeted, holocaustly overtoned Spielberg production leveled off at a 6.7. The original has withstood the test of time and remains at a glowing 7.2. Although these numbers aren’t a definitive view of whether or not a film is well made, they do, from time to time, help me sleep better at night with the hopes that entertainment might not Continue »
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Directed by: James Felix McKenney
Runtime: 83 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: B/W
Sound Mix: Stereo
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What a joy! Automatons could have easily become a refurbished parody or homage to numerous classic films and television shows from over half a century ago, but instead, it stands stably on its own two metallic, shimmying, corrugated legs.
The setup, which is told to us in a most discerning way through recorded videos being played back by The Girl, our resident robot repairer, is that the timeframe in which this story takes place, on either this planet or an entirely fictional one, only two remaining ’super-powers’ exist in the world. Each of the remaining factions has it’s own supply of monstorous mechanical soldiers, and neither appears to be giving in any time soon. Continue »
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Directed by: Jim Wynorski
Runtime: 94 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: USA:R
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I’m not going to bring the incredibly prolific 20-year history of director Jim Wynorski into the discussion, I’m simply going to address the movie as it stands (which is the way it aughta be as far as I’m concerned). That’s what B-movies are all about; disregarding well-known actors, directors, and this thing they do in movies sometimes called “acting”.
Let’s jump right in, brain first. Shockwave, or it’s more appropriate title of A.I. Assault, is a sci-fi geek’s dream upon initial inspection. It co-stars major characters from 3 different generations of the Start Trek universe, as well as Bill freakin Mumy! The setup that takes place within about 13 minutes is; robot loose on deserted island –> plane carrying another genius military robot crashes on the same Deserted Robot Island™ –> Continue »
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Directed by: Roy Knyrim
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Region: Region 1
Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1
DVD Release Date: May 30, 2006
Run Time: 91 minutes
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YYYESSS. Ohhhhh yes bloody yesss. Immediately after watching the nearly unbearable bore-fest that is Beyond The Wall of Sleep (which I’m not looking forward to reviewing), I had the pleasure of viewing Cemetery Gates. I rented it on the sole basis that it starred Reggie Bannister, who plays one of my most favorite characters of all time in the spectacular Phantasm & its sequels. Little did I know that I was going to get a no-holds-barred splatteriffic creature flick with a relentless sense of humor!
A couple of animal rights activists break into a research facility to Continue »
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