Director: Jack Perez
Written by: also Jack Perez
Runtime: 90 mins
Country: USA
Language: English
Certification: USA:R
Production Company: The Asylum

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Another exploitation film from The Asylum, the studio that has brought us dozens of pop-culture rip-offs including Transmorphers (breview coming soon), The Terminators, and The Day Earth Stopped, MS vs GO is a fairly worthy entry into the giant-monster flick genre. Unfortunately, the movie as a whole obviously can’t cash the checks written by the box art.

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Director: Tibor Takács
Language: English
Studio: Sony Pictures
Runtime: 86 min
Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1
Certification: R

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A group of “Olympic” skiers are taken to a remote ski lodge by their coach in the hopes that being cut off from a wireless signal, those internets, and friends and family back home will force them to keep their minds on the slopes. However, none of them could guess that there is a military base nearby performing experiments on giant spiders, and that those spiders are now running amuck across the frozen landscape. Oh yeah, you smell that? We got ourselves a B movie!

Ice Spiders starts off with an ample amount of promise. The title alone is spectacular, and although “giant spiders” has been done, the setting and ideas are fairly unique. Also, when we’re introduced to our first sequence involving Rocky and Bob, two overeager hunters who run into Read the rest of this entry »

Director: Yossi Wein
Runtime: 94 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: 5.1 Dolby Digital
Certification: USA:R (but don’t ask me why)

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Octopus 2 is a rather misleading monster-shlock. After reviewing the B-lariously awesome Octopus I confidently picked Octopus 2 out of the lineup of hack-jobs and Aliens / Predator / Abyss / Terminator amalgamations. However, much like the opening 20 minutes of the original Octopus, I found myself watching instead of pointing and laughing.

The major difference between the two movies is that this lack of giggles and guffaws never came to an end with ‘pus 2. Even though the story is much simpler in ‘pus 2, where we follow Nick, a member of New York’s scuba police squad, as he tries to make sense of a mysterious drowning / murder, this movie throws so much Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Matthew Hastings
Writing credits: Matthew Hastings
Release Date: 30 July 2005 (USA) more
Also Known As: Bloodsuckers (Original Sci-Fi Channel Title)
MPAA: Rated R for grisly violence and gore.
Runtime: 99 min
Country: Canada
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: Philippines:PG-13 (Avid Phil) / Germany:18 (DVD) / Australia:MA / USA:R

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After four absolute-DUD reviews in a row (The Roost, Cult, Serum & Doomed) I had my fingers crossed that Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe would be a step in the right direction. Hell, it seemed that ANYTHING would be better than all of those atrocities combined…But I was let down once again. Ultra-big-time-SSSSIIIIGGHH.

In a bleak 2210, humans have spread themselves throughout Read the rest of this entry »

Director: John Eyres
Country: USA
Language: English
Run Time: 100 minutes
Color: Color
Certification: UK:15 / USA:PG-13
Filmed in: Sofia, Bulgaria

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I’ll get right down to the essentials on this slightly off-classic, giant monster movie. You’ll have to wait at least 50 minutes before you can safely and resoundingly begin to snicker and giggle. Before you hit that mark, there is little to roll your eyes about beyond the horrendously produced musical tracks. I have never heard a score that took me out of the moment (as monster-movie-mundane as it may be) like the background tunes of Octopus However, the laughs continuously multiply and intensify tenfold over the following thirty minutes. The movie ends on such an hilarious high-note that I nearly threw my back out while bursting with laughter. Octopus fails to provide an enormous amount of misses, but when the misses do occur, Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Timothy Hines
Also Known As: Classic War of the Worlds
Runtime: 179!!!
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: USA: R

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What can I say about Timothy Hines’ take on the H. G. Wells classic? It B’s all it can B.

This retelling premiered alongside 2 other War of the Worlds releases, neither of which seem to live up to the original 1953 adaptation. Both of the low budget takes share a 2.9 (at this time) on the internet movie database, and the gluttonously budgeted, holocaustly overtoned Spielberg production leveled off at a 6.7. The original has withstood the test of time and remains at a glowing 7.2. Although these numbers aren’t a definitive view of whether or not a film is well made, they do, from time to time, help me sleep better at night with the hopes that entertainment might not Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: James Felix McKenney
Runtime: 83 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: B/W
Sound Mix: Stereo

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What a joy! Automatons could have easily become a refurbished parody or homage to numerous classic films and television shows from over half a century ago, but instead, it stands stably on its own two metallic, shimmying, corrugated legs.

The setup, which is told to us in a most discerning way through recorded videos being played back by The Girl, our resident robot repairer, is that the timeframe in which this story takes place, on either this planet or an entirely fictional one, only two remaining ’super-powers’ exist in the world. Each of the remaining factions has it’s own supply of monstorous mechanical soldiers, and neither appears to be giving in any time soon. Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Jim Wynorski
Runtime: 94 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: USA:R

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I’m not going to bring the incredibly prolific 20-year history of director Jim Wynorski into the discussion, I’m simply going to address the movie as it stands (which is the way it aughta be as far as I’m concerned). That’s what B-movies are all about; disregarding well-known actors, directors, and this thing they do in movies sometimes called “acting”.

Let’s jump right in, brain first. Shockwave, or it’s more appropriate title of A.I. Assault, is a sci-fi geek’s dream upon initial inspection. It co-stars major characters from 3 different generations of the Start Trek universe, as well as Bill freakin Mumy! The setup that takes place within about 13 minutes is; robot loose on deserted island –> plane carrying another genius military robot crashes on the same Deserted Robot Island™ –> Read the rest of this entry »

Director: Josh Becker
Runtime: 88 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Dolby Digital
Certification: USA:TV-14

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Claiming to be the “highest rated (more ambiguity, please) sci-fi pictures original of all-time!”, Alien Apocalypse is an enjoyable and surprisingly expansive low-budget creature feature. It has strong influences from Planet of the Apes, having a nearly identical plot setup, and also some of the stronger themes found in Bruce Campbell’s most commercially successful film, Army of Darkness. Competently directed by Josh Becker, who has gained some acclaim for his no-nonsense filmmaking, it comes very close to rising out of it’s b-movie status, were it not for the cartoonily (so I just made it up… so what?) obvious voice-over work and periodic cheese-ball acting from the Bulgarian locals. Also, Sci-Fi pictures Read the rest of this entry »

Director: Chris Windsor
Runtime: 82 min
Country: Canada
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Mono
Certification: Canada:PG (2005) / Canada:R (original rating)

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Welcome to Burquitlam and meet the pillar of society, local butcher, and all-around swell guy; Bob Sanderson. He will be our host as we take a slice of this small town and examine it over the course of a few short days. We get to know this town very quickly as we attend a town meeting where our lead, Bob, presents his ideas for a new universal language that will help simplify our lives and create unity throughout the world. Although filmed and set in the 80s, it’s clear that this movie’s era is the 1950s. Technological optimism, and an overly hopeful outlook on the future are a few of the running themes. The school children are even Read the rest of this entry »