Directed by: Steve Cuden
MPAA: Rated R for strong sexual content including aberrant behavior, violence and language.
Runtime: 83 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: UK:18 / USA:R

Lucky is kind of like the weird kid that always sat in the back of the class who was never interested in talking to anyone because he was too busy drawing macabre images in his creepy black sketchbook. He wasn’t popular, not interested in being cool, and definitely wasn’t the life of the party. But if you gave him a chance and spent some time with him, you would find out that well…yeah he is out of his mind, but he also has a lot of worthwhile things to say. Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Thierry Notz
Runtime: 90 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Stereo
Certification: Australia:M / UK:18 / USA:R

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I guess if someone produces hundreds and hundreds of movies it isn’t fair to assume that every single one is going to be great, or even decent. There’s bound to be a total flop in the mix at some point, and that my friend is the story of The Terror Within.

A plague has swept over mankind. A team of military scientists with modified brown thrift-store overalls (complete with id tags that list first, not last names) reside in an underground bunker. Apparently since they’re out in the middle of the Mojave desert where nobody would be anyway we’re supposed to get the feeling that they are some of the last remaining people on earth. On the surface are some vicious gargoyles…or uh…they’re actually mutated humans…No wait, they Read the rest of this entry »

Director: John Hayes
Runtime: UK:84 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Mono
Certification: USA:R / UK:15

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THE DEAD WILL RISE AGAIN…

…AND RIDE HORSES…

In a surrealistic horror setting, a young Preacher’s assistant goes mad and becomes lost in a fantasy of her own creation. The woman, Grace, creates a world in which her either dead or missing father is present, quite loving, and lives with her on a fabricated ranch. In her mind, Grace’s father will stop at nothing to protect his daughter’s best interests…. including murder. Stars academy award-winner Edmond O’Brien as Grace’s father.

That’s a quick summary of the plot and I dare not go in any further. In fact, the best thing i can say about this horrid piece of work is that the summary ends up sounding quite good. Avoid this movie like you would avoid a swarm of bees; if you see it on a store shelf run away screaming and flailing your arms… and then jump in a pond and use a straw to breath with until you pass out Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Barbara Peters
Also Known As:
Humanoids of the Deep, Monster, Monsters
Runtime: 80 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color (Metrocolor)
Sound Mix: Mono
Certification: West Germany:16 / Australia:MA (cable rating) / Australia:R (original rating) / France:-12 / Sweden:15 / UK:18 / USA:R / Norway:(Banned) (1980-2003) (cinema release)

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Boy am I a sucker for a good guy-in-a-suit monster flick. Especially when the guy-in-a-suit monster flick has sweet gore, a haunting soundtrack, a good sense of humor and a healthy dose of full-frontal nudity!

In a rural, fishing based town something is lurking in the very waters the population relies on. A large cannery corporation that is about to build a factory in town has released a chemical in the water. The chemical is devised to Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by Eugène Lourié
Runtime: 78 min
Country: UK
Language: English
Color: Color (Technicolor)
Sound Mix: Mono
Certification: Finland:K-12 (re-rating) / Finland:(Banned) (original rating) / Sweden:15 / UK:PG / USA:Unrated / UK:X (original rating)

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You always know that you’re in for a real treat when the first line of a film is flubbed. This is my review of the least Like Nothing I’ve Ever Seen Before film I’ve ever seen. Then again, if by “Like Nothing You’ve Ever Seen Before” they meant; “Most Like Godzilla We Could Get Away With”, then it was very much Like Nothin…. oh, you get the point.

Here we go, Gorgo (aka The Story of King-Kong as played by Godzilla). Start in with a couple of salvage dealers, Sam and Joe, on board their ship. They encounter inexplicable volcanic activity. The ship is damaged in the high waves, but luckily there is an island nearby. Our two sort-of more main characters head out to find some fresh water Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Charles Band
Runtime: 85 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Stereo
Certification: Iceland:16 / Finland:K-16 / UK:15 (video premiere) / USA:R

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Don’t let this poster fool you, it’s not a romantic comedy. Crash and burn is a so-so little movie from the Mech-age. It combines pretty decent visual effects, a few genuine creep-out moments, and a wacko terminator-style villain. Overall though, the movie comes across as just a little too decent. If it were any worse or any better it might be worth mentioning. I must say, though, that if you aren’t a huge film-buff you might be able to enjoy this movie.

The setup of C&B is quite simple; the world is run by corporations, most notably the horribly logo-ed UNICOM, the corporations have cyborgs everywhere spying on the public, and they can be ordered to kill at any time by use of a special virus called Crash and Burn. Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: John Lechago
MPAA: Rated R for strong sexual content, violence/gore and language.
Runtime: 87 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Certification: USA:R

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Thank the God I don’t even know exists for beautiful goth-girls with extensive tattoos and Bettie Page hairstyles. If this sounds like you, I’m available and would love it if you sent me a message…

Ok, time to get to business. Blood Gnome is about a Crime Scene Photographer that has plenty of work lined up for him. A recent string of bloody murders have been occurring in the local BDSM/Bloodsport underground. Through the use of an old recalled camcorder with infrared capabilities, he is the only one that is able to see who-or actually what-is causing all of the mayhem. So what is it? Why blood gnomes of course, stiff little rubber Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Scott Spiegel
Also Known As:
Night Crew (USA) (working title)
Night Crew: The Final Checkout (USA) (video title)
Runtime: 83 min / 88 min (director’s cut)
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color (DeLuxe)
Certification: West Germany:18 (heavily cut) / Australia:R / UK:18 / USA:R

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“Anal itch got you down?”

I’ve always heard about this little flick from Scott Spiegel & Lawrence Bender, but have never been able to find it anywhere…one of the many problems of living in the very definition of “Rural Location.” So when I saw the director’s cut was available at the local video store, I snatched it like a klepto on speed. To make things even better, I wasn’t even the slightest bit let down. In fact my expectations were exceeded on nearly every level! Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by Larry Blamire
MPAA: Rated PG for brief mild language.
Runtime: 90 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Black and White / Color
Sound Mix: Mono
Certification: USA:PG / Canada:G (Quebec) / Canada:PG (Ontario) / Singapore:PG

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We can all agree that there are several common makings of a great b-movie experience that will more than likely include the following: poor or seemingly first-time performances, special effects that give themselves away instantly, a plot that is full of random occurrences that barely manage to push along the simplistic story, and, of course, a fantastical title and subject matter. The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra manages to do take each of these elements and amp them up to their limits to create a wonderfully enjoyable farce. However, take note that the writer and director, Larry Blamire, is not making light of these classic horror and sci-fi movies from the 50s and 60s. Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Joe Castro
MPAA: Rated R for violence/gore and some nudity.
Runtime: 75 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: UK:18 / USA:R

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Three letters can explain my thoughts on this movie: WTF?!?

No seriously. Let’s examine this little flick from director Joe Castro. Things kick off with a rather hilarious introduction by some leather-and-stud-clad punk rocker. I have to admit, this terrible little intro had me pumped up for what was to come. As soon as the actual movie began my jaw was on the floor. The so called “special-effects” in the opening scene contain some of the worst blue-screen and After-Effects filters I’ve ever seen! Needless to say, I was excited.

The movie gets right to the gore, with Dr. Carnage mutiliating what looks to be either Tweedledee or Tweedledum. Not sure which. We are then presented with the most cliche of horror scenarios: Two sisters are left home alone while their parents leave Read the rest of this entry »