Director: Michael Hurst
Runtime: 95 minutes
Country: USA
Color: Color
Audio: 5.1 and 2.0 surround
Studio: Lions Gate
Certification: R

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Myself and corporatedemon have both passed on (the very idea of) House of the Dead 2 a minimum of 15 times. We passed on the sequel for fear of an overdose of nonsense, monotony, homemade bullet-time, and of course, video-game footage. Instead, HotD2 delivers a multitude of cleverly misleading character introductions/zombie scenarios, loads of uncompromising gore, and even a zombie football team (complete with flesh-hungry cheerleaders)!

The story revolves around a college campus that has been overrun by the newer and highly popular breakneck speed zombies (which in the film are referred to as hyper-sapiens). Influenced heavily by James Cameron’s Aliens Continue »

Director: Paolo Sedazzari
Runtime: UK:81 min
Country: UK
Language: English
Color: Color
Aspect Ratio:
2.35 : 1 more
Sound Mix: Stereo (RCA Sound System)
Certification: UK:15
Company: Brandnew Films

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The Toybox wants to be a serious horror movie with strong acting, cinematography and a haunting soundtrack. Quite honestly, it achieves just that. But did I enjoy it? Not in the least.

This well-executed-yet-painfully-boring flick from the UK is about a young woman that brings her new boyfriend home to meet the fam. But this isn’t just the average awkward family introduction: This chick’s family is fucking wacko to the max. That’s really the only thing I can tell is going on, though there are obviously supposed to be Continue »

Directed by Michael Kazlo II
Runtime: 84 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Company: Archangel Productions

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Thank the b-movie gods for friendship and patience, for without these I would have never made it through Michael Kazlo II’s Bloodlust.

Maria Hunter’s parents were murdered by a vampire. After being adopted by the church, the same vampire kills her brother. Now, Maria Hunter doesn’t like vampires very much. So she picks up an UZI, reads the manual and gets to business.

Sounds simple enough, right? If only it were. Bloodlust wants to be far more expansive and dramatic than necessary for a good b-movie time. Characters are continually thrown into the mix and uninteresting dialog segments drag on in sleep-inducing excess. None of the personalities are interesting enough to maintain viewer interest. Along with the poor acting and sluggish pacing, Continue »

Director: Corbin Timbrook
Runtime: 80 mins (minus twenty for the uninspired opening and ending credits, yaaaaawn)
Language: English
Color: Color
Aspect Ratio: 4×3 (menu-16×9, go figure)
Certification: R

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A dvd menu of the cheapest quality imaginable. A poorly photoshoped image of a killer with dreadlocks. The play button is pressed. Fade to black… “But his mother said to him, ‘Your curse be on me, my son, only obey my voice and go, get them for me.’ - Genesis 27:13″ …needless to say, I was already in stitches. After more than 5 and a half minutes of credits, ToB pushes on to become an up & down thriller/slasher that is about as unique and original as a masked maniac slaughtering young, dumb, bland, big-boobed teens with a machette.

Let’s get into the plot of Tower of Blood. The story involves a masked maniac slaughtering young, dumb, bland, big-boobed teens with a machette… Continue »

Director: Yossi Wein
Runtime: 94 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: 5.1 Dolby Digital
Certification: USA:R (but don’t ask me why)

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Octopus 2 is a rather misleading monster-shlock. After reviewing the B-lariously awesome Octopus I confidently picked Octopus 2 out of the lineup of hack-jobs and Aliens / Predator / Abyss / Terminator amalgamations. However, much like the opening 20 minutes of the original Octopus, I found myself watching instead of pointing and laughing.

The major difference between the two movies is that this lack of giggles and guffaws never came to an end with ‘pus 2. Even though the story is much simpler in ‘pus 2, where we follow Nick, a member of New York’s scuba police squad, as he tries to make sense of a mysterious drowning / murder, this movie throws so much Continue »

Director: Fred Tepper
Runtime: 88 minutes
Country: USA
Color: Color
Studio: Sony
Certification: R (but only because they say the word “F%$*” about 47 times for absolutely no reason, besides exciting 13 year-olds?)

Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever buy this on amazon.com!

It’s hard to begin this review. Hell, it’s hard to begin, continue, and end this review. The easiest part of the entire process will be giving Sasquatch Hunters a rating.

Story: Extremely large group of people go into the woods looking for “something”. “Something” eats a lot of them.

Even the worst of the worst B-monster flicks, including the ones churned out very quickly and very cheaply by more modern techniques, have at LEAST 2 storylines going on. This movie has just the one. It attempts a second by creating intrigue Continue »