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Bloodlust	May 15th, 2007
Directed by Michael Kazlo II Runtime: 84 min Country: USA Language: English Color: Color Company: Archangel Productions Buy it now at Amazon.com! Thank the b-movie gods for friendship and patience, for without these I would have never made it through Michael Kazlo II’s Bloodlust. Maria Hunter’s parents were murdered by a vampire. After being adopted by the church, the same vampire kills her brother. Now, Maria Hunter doesn’t like vampires very much. So she picks up an UZI, reads the manual and gets to business. Sounds simple enough, right? If only it were. Bloodlust wants to be far more expansive and dramatic than necessary for a good b-movie time. Characters are continually thrown into the mix and uninteresting dialog segments drag on in sleep-inducing excess. None of the personalities are interesting enough to maintain viewer interest. Along with the poor acting and sluggish pacing, Continue » Posted by corporatedemon in Breviews, Horror, Action \| Comments
Octopus 2	April 15th, 2007
Director: Yossi Wein Runtime: 94 min Country: USA Language: English Color: Color Sound Mix: 5.1 Dolby Digital Certification: USA:R (but don’t ask me why) Buy it now on amazon.com! Octopus 2 is a rather misleading monster-shlock. After reviewing the B-lariously awesome Octopus I confidently picked Octopus 2 out of the lineup of hack-jobs and Aliens / Predator / Abyss / Terminator amalgamations. However, much like the opening 20 minutes of the original Octopus, I found myself watching instead of pointing and laughing. The major difference between the two movies is that this lack of giggles and guffaws never came to an end with ‘pus 2. Even though the story is much simpler in ‘pus 2, where we follow Nick, a member of New York’s scuba police squad, as he tries to make sense of a mysterious drowning / murder, this movie throws so much Continue » Posted by darfnader in Breviews, Horror, Sci-Fi, Action \| Comments
Sasquatch Hunters	April 14th, 2007
Director: Fred Tepper Runtime: 88 minutes Country: USA Color: Color Studio: Sony Certification: R (but only because they say the word “F%$” about 47 times for absolutely no reason, besides exciting 13 year-olds?) Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever buy this on amazon.com! It’s hard to begin this review. Hell, it’s hard to begin, continue, and end this review. The easiest part of the entire process will be giving Sasquatch Hunters* a rating. Story: Extremely large group of people go into the woods looking for “something”. “Something” eats a lot of them. Even the worst of the worst B-monster flicks, including the ones churned out very quickly and very cheaply by more modern techniques, have at LEAST 2 storylines going on. This movie has just the one. It attempts a second by creating intrigue Continue » Posted by darfnader in Breviews, Horror, Action, Boringest Brains \| Comments
Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe	March 26th, 2007
Directed by: Matthew Hastings Writing credits: Matthew Hastings Release Date: 30 July 2005 (USA) more Also Known As: Bloodsuckers (Original Sci-Fi Channel Title) MPAA: Rated R for grisly violence and gore. Runtime: 99 min Country: Canada Language: English Color: Color Certification: Philippines:PG-13 (Avid Phil) / Germany:18 (DVD) / Australia:MA / USA:R Don’t buy it now at amazon.com After four absolute-DUD reviews in a row (The Roost, Cult, Serum & Doomed) I had my fingers crossed that Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe would be a step in the right direction. Hell, it seemed that ANYTHING would be better than all of those atrocities combined…But I was let down once again. Ultra-big-time-SSSSIIIIGGHH. In a bleak 2210, humans have spread themselves throughout Continue » Posted by corporatedemon in Breviews, Horror, Sci-Fi, Action, Drama \| 3 Comments
Octopus	March 20th, 2007
Director: John Eyres Country: USA Language: English Run Time: 100 minutes Color: Color Certification: UK:15 / USA:PG-13 Filmed in: Sofia, Bulgaria Buy it now on amazon.com! I’ll get right down to the essentials on this slightly off-classic, giant monster movie. You’ll have to wait at least 50 minutes before you can safely and resoundingly begin to snicker and giggle. Before you hit that mark, there is little to roll your eyes about beyond the horrendously produced musical tracks. I have never heard a score that took me out of the moment (as monster-movie-mundane as it may be) like the background tunes of Octopus However, the laughs continuously multiply and intensify tenfold over the following thirty minutes. The movie ends on such an hilarious high-note that I nearly threw my back out while bursting with laughter. Octopus fails to provide an enormous amount of misses, but when the misses do occur, Continue » Posted by darfnader in Breviews, Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller \| 3 Comments
Doomed	March 12th, 2007
Director:Michael Su Runtime:76 mins Screen Format: 4 X 3 MPAA Rating: N/A Parental Warning: Strong Language, Graphic Violence/Gore Country: USA Sadly, you can actually buy this at Amazon.com Nearly every time I sit down to write a new breview I get rather self–conscious and honestly a little nervous. I worry about my grammar, spelling, intro, body and conclusion. I worry about what I should focus on, what I should leave out, and what I want the end reader to “take home” with them after investing the time to read my literary effort… But not this time. This time I’m not worried about a single thing. I am confident in knowing that I can casually spew out ANYTHING and it will have a superior thought process than Doomed. Here’s the script: Drop 10 criminals on an island. Divide them into 5 teams. Continue » Posted by corporatedemon in Breviews, Horror, Action, Boringest Brains \| 1 Comment