Director: Jim Torres
Co-written by: Ron Harris
Runtime: 95 mins
Country: USA
Language: English
Certification: USA:R

Buy it now at amazon.com!

Although this movie isn’t want we want to review on this website (found here!), I feel I must give it some attention for those who may be online, quickly searching for a review or two before they pick it up off the store shelves. Plus.. you know… I watched the thing the under the same false B-tenses that you might also easily succumb to.

So let’s get right to it; 20 Years After is NOT what you expect. Whoever distributed this film (I suppose it’s MTI Home Video) has done the same as 99% of the companies out there who are in their position Read the rest of this entry »

Director: Alan Roberts
Runtime: 91 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: USA:R

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Karate Cop is the most unlikely of sequels. One of the most blatantly bland excuses for an action move I’d ever seen somehow produces a semi-hilarious B action flick that I am extremely glad to have in my library? I would never have guessed.

The last cop on Earth, John Travis, is back for another go-round as an unlucky hero who clings to his former career, even though the rest of the planet has fallen to pieces and has become a world where only the strong survive. The young and the weak are prayed upon by thugs and gangsters, bent on controlling what’s left of the planet, and having as much sadistic fun as they can in the process. After an hilariously heroic introduction, Travis is tasked with protecting several dozen children, the last in a cityscape filled with dangerous Read the rest of this entry »

Directed By: Alvin Ecarma
Also Known As: Alvin Ecarma’s Lethal Force (USA) (promotional title)
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color

BUY IT…THAT’S AN ORDER!

If there is one movie genre that never ceases to amaze me with sheer stupidity, it is not B-Horror…it is B-Action. Something about the muscle bound pretty boys like Jean Cleade Van Damme and the painfully persistent Steven Seagal running around killing hooligan after hooligan of multi-millionaire drug-lord after multi-millionaire drug-lord drives me bonkers. Maybe it’s just me. But one good thing came out of this relentless stream of nonsense, and that is the nearly perfect B-Action Spinoff Lethal Force.

So unlike many of my other recent reviews where I begin trash talking in the second paragraph, I am instead going to start giggling like a little school boy as I attempt to express just how bad-fucking-ass Lethal Force really is. Read the rest of this entry »

Director: Paul Kyriazi
Runtime: 90 min
Language: English
Color: Color
Format: Full Frame
Sound Mix: Stereo
Certification: USA:NR

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As I looked over the horribly designed Omega Cop cover (not the one you see here), I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Adam West was going to help keep me entertained for the next hour and a half in a film that, for the first time since I can remember, I actually wished I was watching on VHS and not DVD.

I was extremely hopeful that Omega Cop was going to rock serious shlock because we find out very quickly that our lead, martial artist Ron Marchini, A: can’t act for crap, B: is named Travis (an action hero named Travis!), C: digs 60s surfer music. Couple that with the title flashing across the screen atop a freeze frame of Marchini, accompanied by a synthesized kick to the ears, and you’ve got yourself a true recipe for B-saster. Read the rest of this entry »

Director: Marius Penczner
Runtime: 105 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Black and White
Sound Mix: Mono
Certification: UK: 12

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If I’ve learned anything from movies, it’s this: aliens are dicks! In first contact situations we should shoot aliens in the face double-time quick-like! Sure, you’re bound to frag an E.T. or two, but can we risk meeting up with something like a face hugger? I’m willing to off Kazoo, Alf, and Mork, to insure that my chest remains intact. Xenophobic? Probably, but Hollywood has assured me that you are far more likely to encounter a bunch of conniving, monument blowing-up, people hunting, jerks. Alien pricks… is there any better plot fodder to use in a b-movie? I think not. Neither does Marius Penczner. Without any further adieu, let’s get to the nitty-gritty guts of “I Was a Zombie for the F.B.I.” Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Matthew Hastings
Writing credits: Matthew Hastings
Release Date: 30 July 2005 (USA) more
Also Known As: Bloodsuckers (Original Sci-Fi Channel Title)
MPAA: Rated R for grisly violence and gore.
Runtime: 99 min
Country: Canada
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: Philippines:PG-13 (Avid Phil) / Germany:18 (DVD) / Australia:MA / USA:R

Don’t buy it now at amazon.com

After four absolute-DUD reviews in a row (The Roost, Cult, Serum & Doomed) I had my fingers crossed that Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe would be a step in the right direction. Hell, it seemed that ANYTHING would be better than all of those atrocities combined…But I was let down once again. Ultra-big-time-SSSSIIIIGGHH.

In a bleak 2210, humans have spread themselves throughout Read the rest of this entry »

Director:Michael Su
Runtime:76 mins
Screen Format: 4 X 3
MPAA Rating: N/A
Parental Warning: Strong Language, Graphic Violence/Gore
Country: USA

Sadly, you can actually buy this at Amazon.com

Nearly every time I sit down to write a new breview I get rather self–conscious and honestly a little nervous. I worry about my grammar, spelling, intro, body and conclusion. I worry about what I should focus on, what I should leave out, and what I want the end reader to “take home” with them after investing the time to read my literary effort…

But not this time. This time I’m not worried about a single thing. I am confident in knowing that I can casually spew out ANYTHING and it will have a superior thought process than Doomed.

Here’s the script: Drop 10 criminals on an island. Divide them into 5 teams. Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Gabriel Bartalos
Runtime: 97 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color (DeLuxe)
Certification: USA:R / Germany:18 / UK:18

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This gem of a B-dazzling B-movie is initially a re-hash of classics much like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. A group of travelers is welcomed into a freaky slasher country-house by a seemingly benign granny lady. Once they’re sufficiently deep within the crazy-pit all hell breaks loose and the weirdies come out of the woodwork slashing, biting, and.. plate-throwing?

Yes, you heard right. There is a character in this movie named Plates. He is so aptly named because of a unique ability to buff and launch his porcelain discs at high velocities. Plates is played by the science-fiction and horror veteran Warwick Davis, the only actual actor in the film that has been in Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Kevin Kangas
MPAA: Rated R for violence, some nudity and brief language.
Runtime: 106 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: USA:R

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I used to hate clowns beyond reason. I was so terrified of their unnaturally white faces and constant grins there was no possible way my parents could ever take me to the circus (which is fine by me at this point, I refuse to support circuses and zoos. Animals aren’t here for human entertainment people!). It wasn’t until I forced myself to watch Killer Klowns From Outer Space as an early teen that I was able to break myself of this fear. Yeah. Laugh at me all you want, just stating the facts.

So when I picked up Fear of Clowns, I was expecting a similar goofy, tongue in cheek flick with plenty of crazy clown antics. Instead, what I got was a Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Roy Knyrim
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Region: Region 1
Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1
DVD Release Date: May 30, 2006
Run Time: 91 minutes

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YYYESSS. Ohhhhh yes bloody yesss. Immediately after watching the nearly unbearable bore-fest that is Beyond The Wall of Sleep (which I’m not looking forward to reviewing), I had the pleasure of viewing Cemetery Gates. I rented it on the sole basis that it starred Reggie Bannister, who plays one of my most favorite characters of all time in the spectacular Phantasm & its sequels. Little did I know that I was going to get a no-holds-barred splatteriffic creature flick with a relentless sense of humor!

A couple of animal rights activists break into a research facility to Read the rest of this entry »