Directed By: Richard Powell
Produced By: Zach Green
Country: Canada
Language: English
Color: Color

www.fatalpictures.com

In a flooded market of direct to dvd horror, CG blood and mainstream zombie mania it is becoming harder by the minute to find a film of genuine quality. Luckily, a needle fell out of a haystack right in front of me. Shining white and glowing like an angel. Or more appropriately, black and festering like a case of Ebola.

“Worm” is a short film from fledgling film house Fatal Pictures. However, this isn’t another YouTube quality attempt to be “edgy” by some drunken college kids with a camera phone. No, once the opening shot of “Worm” graces the screen any worries of poor production quality are quickly diminished, and things never go downhill. Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: James Felix McKenney
Runtime: 83 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: B/W
Sound Mix: Stereo

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What a joy! Automatons could have easily become a refurbished parody or homage to numerous classic films and television shows from over half a century ago, but instead, it stands stably on its own two metallic, shimmying, corrugated legs.

The setup, which is told to us in a most discerning way through recorded videos being played back by The Girl, our resident robot repairer, is that the timeframe in which this story takes place, on either this planet or an entirely fictional one, only two remaining ’super-powers’ exist in the world. Each of the remaining factions has it’s own supply of monstorous mechanical soldiers, and neither appears to be giving in any time soon. Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Alain Robak
AKA: The Evil Within
Runtime: 82 min
Country: France
Language: French
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Dolby
Certification: Argentina:18 / Chile:18 / France:-12 / USA:R / West Germany:18 / Peru:18

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I feel like I need to take a shower.

In 1990, the year of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie, The Hubble Space Telescope, The Spin Doctors and Public Enemy’s legendary “Fear of a Black Planet,” a horri-B-ly appealing piece of cinema was released. Its title: Baby Blood.

The story of this French film follows a voluptuous young woman named Yanka. She begins as a lowly performer in some off-key circus, taking all kinds of verbal and physical abuse from her manager. Out of the blue, one of the leopards is found liquidated in its cage. While Yanka is sleeping, a slimy Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Gabriel Bartalos
Runtime: 97 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color (DeLuxe)
Certification: USA:R / Germany:18 / UK:18

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This gem of a B-dazzling B-movie is initially a re-hash of classics much like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. A group of travelers is welcomed into a freaky slasher country-house by a seemingly benign granny lady. Once they’re sufficiently deep within the crazy-pit all hell breaks loose and the weirdies come out of the woodwork slashing, biting, and.. plate-throwing?

Yes, you heard right. There is a character in this movie named Plates. He is so aptly named because of a unique ability to buff and launch his porcelain discs at high velocities. Plates is played by the science-fiction and horror veteran Warwick Davis, the only actual actor in the film that has been in Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Kevin Kangas
MPAA: Rated R for violence, some nudity and brief language.
Runtime: 106 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: USA:R

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I used to hate clowns beyond reason. I was so terrified of their unnaturally white faces and constant grins there was no possible way my parents could ever take me to the circus (which is fine by me at this point, I refuse to support circuses and zoos. Animals aren’t here for human entertainment people!). It wasn’t until I forced myself to watch Killer Klowns From Outer Space as an early teen that I was able to break myself of this fear. Yeah. Laugh at me all you want, just stating the facts.

So when I picked up Fear of Clowns, I was expecting a similar goofy, tongue in cheek flick with plenty of crazy clown antics. Instead, what I got was a Read the rest of this entry »

Director: Trey Parker
Runtime: 95 min / UK:97 min (video)
Country: USA
Language: English / Japanese
Color: Color
Certification: Canada:18A / UK:18 / USA:R

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(or the UMD for your PSP here)

Ignoring the fact that Trey Parker and Matt Stone are now multi-millionaires and creators of one of the funniest television shows in history, not to mention Academy Award Nominees, this is my hopefully non-biased review of Cannibal! The Musical.

From the very opening you know you are in for a gory, campy ride. The titles are followed by a ditty about the actual “history” of this flick, and the explanation is capped by “The film’s violent scenes have been edited out for your viewing pleasure”. This is followed by a scene of extreme comedic violence and gore. We realize that this is only a flashback being told by a prosecuting attorney Read the rest of this entry »

Director: Chris Windsor
Runtime: 82 min
Country: Canada
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Mono
Certification: Canada:PG (2005) / Canada:R (original rating)

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Welcome to Burquitlam and meet the pillar of society, local butcher, and all-around swell guy; Bob Sanderson. He will be our host as we take a slice of this small town and examine it over the course of a few short days. We get to know this town very quickly as we attend a town meeting where our lead, Bob, presents his ideas for a new universal language that will help simplify our lives and create unity throughout the world. Although filmed and set in the 80s, it’s clear that this movie’s era is the 1950s. Technological optimism, and an overly hopeful outlook on the future are a few of the running themes. The school children are even Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by: Larry Clark
MPAA: Rated R for strong sexuality, substance abuse, language, and violence – all involving teens.
Runtime: USA:90 min / USA:100 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Sound Mix: Dolby
Certification: Argentina:16 / Finland:K-18 / Germany:18 / South Korea:18 (DVD rating) / UK:18 / USA:R

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In the 24 years of my existence, a few movies have managed to truly touch my soul and offer me a new outlook on life. Most people in our culture have had the same experience, perhaps with The Breakfast Club, Forrest Gump or The Passion of the Christ. For me, it would have to be Teenage Caveman.

Begin scenario setup: It’s a post-apocalyptic future. Society has been reduced to small tribes lead by religious fanatics. The males are the dominant gender and are relied upon to provide food for their tribe. Teens are bombarded with constant threats Read the rest of this entry »

Directed by Larry Blamire
MPAA: Rated PG for brief mild language.
Runtime: 90 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Black and White / Color
Sound Mix: Mono
Certification: USA:PG / Canada:G (Quebec) / Canada:PG (Ontario) / Singapore:PG

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We can all agree that there are several common makings of a great b-movie experience that will more than likely include the following: poor or seemingly first-time performances, special effects that give themselves away instantly, a plot that is full of random occurrences that barely manage to push along the simplistic story, and, of course, a fantastical title and subject matter. The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra manages to do take each of these elements and amp them up to their limits to create a wonderfully enjoyable farce. However, take note that the writer and director, Larry Blamire, is not making light of these classic horror and sci-fi movies from the 50s and 60s. Read the rest of this entry »