| The Roost | January 29th, 2007 |
Buy ANYTHING Instead! “One of the best, if not THE best horror flicks of the year.” -Bloody-Disgusting.com “A creepy, old-fashioned 80’s sleep-over movie, with the perfect blend of blood, screams and scares.” -Eli Roth, Director of Cabin Fever “B is for BORRRR-IIIIINNNGG.” -bisforbrains.com Now that I have my initial childish remark out of the way, let’s get serious. “The Roost” involves a group of uninteresting twenty-somethings (surprise surprise) on their way to a wedding. They wreck their SUV (surprise surprise) and seek help at a creepy house in the middle of nowhere (surprise surprise). The house has a barn out back full of bats, and after 43 painfully drawn-out minutes we find out the bats somehow turn people into zombies. WHY? Because zombies are hip right now, haven’t you noticed??? Now I could have easily forgiven the extremely typical scenario, the awful acting and the complete lack of thought process by every character if this movie would have at simply ENTERTAINED me. That’s right. To put it bluntly, “The Roost” is not entertaining. Here’s why: 1. Zero character development. Who are these people? If you aren’t going to intrigue us with the damn people on screen then at least kill them off in unique and fun ways!!! That leads us to… 2. Forgettable and relentlessly boring zombies, gore and death scenes. 3. S…..L………O……………….W pacing and piss-poor-payoff. “The Roost” drags on and on as if everything that is happening on screen is the most important fucking thing you will ever see. To make matters worse, the only time there is any background music is when the bats are chasing people. I’m sure they attempted this to give the film more of a “realistic” or “gritty” effect, but instead it just made it an absolute chore for me to keep watching. However, the movie does break things up a little bit, bringing us to… 4. Blatant and unrelated attempts to spice things up. There are a few sweet black and white segments with a TV host talking to the viewer and actually giving them something to get excited about. Now why am I listing this as a reason this movie is not entertaining? Because these tiny little parts are actually BETTER than the movie itself!!! They end up being nothing but a tease. If they would have just kept this idea and ditched everything else I would be a much, much happier camper right now. But alas… 5. It kills itself with its own sparse sense of humor. Now don’t get me wrong, I love humor in my horror movies. Read some of my other reviews if you have any doubts of that. But “The Roost” wanders aimlessly through being a tongue-in-cheek campy good time and a serious, gory exploitation film. Problem is, it’s not gory enough to give the gross-out fans anything to gawk about and it’s not cheesy enough to give a continuous flow of laughs. There you have it. Five (5) solid reasons why this movie isn’t worth your time. The only reason I’m not putting this in the bottom of the bisforbrains.com gutter is because I liked the intro. Consider this B-ball DROPPED.
One Response to “The Roost”What's on your brains?You must be logged in to post! |
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Stacey Leung Wordpress |
Maintained by corporatedemon.com |
January 29th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Maybe we’re missing something. Perhaps this movie was a metaphor for the youth of today being misguided by the ease of technology (crashing their SUV on a shortcut which promises to shorten their trip), and when finally confronted with the horrors of reality (the bat representing the unceasing, raw power of mother nature) they have no common horse sense to fall back on, and are overtaken quickly by their own stupidity.
More likely: “There’s nothing going on under the surface, and the Roost is as unentertaining as it can get.”
That third payoff would have been my first two. What a stinker. I’m confounded by the reviews this thing gets. Apparently ’slow’ can easily be mistaken for ‘meaningful’. Well, now it’s been heralded, and that herald is: “Don’t see this movie unless you are 14 and have never seen a scary movie before, or you have a thing for bats”. (this comment is concluded by something scary FLYING at the screen “RAARRR!”. damn, I’m an up-and-coming horror genius too!)